OUR SERVICES
Discernment Counselling
Support for Couples on the Brink: Find Clarity for Relationship Decisions
Relationships sometimes reach a painful crossroads—when one partner is leaning toward separation and the other wants to stay and work on things. In these moments, making a clear, conscious decision can feel overwhelming and emotionally charged. That’s where Discernment Counselling comes in.
This short-term, structured process offers clarity and support when you’re asking the relationship-defining question:
“Should we stay together, or is it time to part ways?”
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
What Is Discernment Counselling?
Discernment Counselling is not couples therapy. It’s a specialized form of counselling for couples who are unsure whether to end their relationship or work to repair it.
Unlike couples therapy, which assumes both partners are ready to work on improving the relationship, discernment counselling is designed specifically for "mixed-agenda couples"—when one person is leaning out and the other is leaning in.
It’s not about fixing your relationship (yet). It’s about making the right decision for both of you—based on clarity, compassion, and careful thought.
Navigate Decisions
Expert Help
Relationship Support
Gain Clarity
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
The Goals of Discernment Counselling
In our Vancouver practice, we provide a non-biased and respectful space for you both to:
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Explore the reasons you are considering separation or staying—without pressure, judgment, or expectation.
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Understand your individual contributions to the relationship struggles—so that even if you choose to separate, you carry insight forward.
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Gain clarity about your next steps—whether that’s a commitment to couples therapy or a supported transition out of the relationship.
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Begin healing conversations, whether you stay or go—with therapeutic guidance for emotional closure, repair, or repair work ahead.
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
A Safe Space to Explore
We understand that being in different places emotionally can be difficult. One of you may be feeling hopeless or disillusioned, while the other is still holding on to possibility. We take care to support each of you as individuals, while also holding the relationship with care.
Our role is not to convince you to stay or to leave—it’s to help you both find clarity about what you truly want, and to support you in making a wise, values-based decision for your life.
Safe, Non-Judgemental
Non-biased exploration
Expert Support
Gain Clarity
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
The Discernment Counselling Process
Discernment counselling typically unfolds over 2–5 sessions, often within 2–3 weeks. The process includes both joint and individual meetings and moves through three key phases:
Phase 1: Exploration & Cooling-Off (Joint Session)
A 55minute Discernment Assessment session where you and your partner meet with the counsellor together. The focus is on understanding the current relationship dynamics and setting the tone for a safe, respectful process.
Phase 2: Individual Sessions
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Each partner meets separately with the counsellor for 1–2 shorter sessions. These offer a private, safe space to:
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Reflect on your role in the relationship dynamic
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Clarify what matters most to you moving forward
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Examine whether your doubts or hesitations are temporary or permanent
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Consider your hopes, fears, and needs—free from pressure
Phase 3: Shared Dialogue & Decision-Making (Joint Session)
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In a final extended session (or more, if needed), you’ll come together to discuss insights gained, reflect on your personal growth, and decide what path you want to take:
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Commit to couples counselling (with no guarantee of outcome, just a shared willingness to try)
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Consciously and respectfully separate, with the support of your counsellor
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Delay the decision, and continue in discernment until greater clarity is reached
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
What Happens After a Decision Is Made?
Depending on your choice, we offer ongoing support:
If You Choose to Reunite:
We can transition into couples counselling using evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), the Gottman Method, or the Bader-Pearson Developmental Model—tailored to help you repair connection, build new communication patterns, and heal past pain.
If You Choose to Separate:
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We provide counselling support to help you:
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Navigate the grief and emotional complexity of separation
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Say goodbye with care and closure
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Co-parent with respect and clarity (if applicable)
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Begin your individual healing journeys
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
Is Discernment Counselling Right for You?
This process is ideal if:
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One partner is considering separation/divorce and the other isn’t sure or wants to stay
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You want to avoid making a rushed or emotionally reactive decision
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You value insight and conscious decision-making, even in the face of uncertainty
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You’re unsure whether couples counselling is appropriate yet
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You don’t need to commit to staying or leaving. You just need to be willing to explore.
DISCERNMENT COUNSELLING
A Safe Place to Find Clarity
Our therapists are trained in relational, attachment-based, and trauma-informed practices, with extensive experience helping couples through transitions. We understand that this is likely one of the most important—and emotional—decisions you will make.
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You deserve space, empathy, and skilled guidance. Begin the Discernment Counselling process today.