Feeling Angry? Venting doesn't actually help.

2 minute read by Matt Turner

When you come into our office to see one of our counsellors, you might find yourself saying "I just want to vent!". This is a very normal and understandable reaction to feeling pain.

Your first response to pain is too likely to defend yourself against it. Pain isn't nice. Pain isn't wanted. But pain is inevitable in your life at some point. That's life.

Instead of feeling your pain, you'll possibly (and automatically) turn to a defensive emotion. That emotion can often be anger. You'll maybe want a target for your pain (this is called projection). We understand targeting your pain on someone or something makes you temporarily feel better.

However, all that anger (or venting) does is stir up your already charged nervous system. This can lead to further dysregulation, further anger, more pain, and so on and so forth.

What can help you is to move toward the pain, go inside, go underneath the anger, and try to access the pain that feeds it. It is here you will find the source of your anger, venting, and projection. Often that source will be sadness, hurt, rejection, fear, anxiety, or insecurity. All of these feeling you are having inside are normal and acceptable. It's just that you've likely been told they aren't.

At Vida Relationships in Vancouver, we know your pain. More importantly, we feel your pain. And we want to help you feel supported, cared for, and held there while you process it. We can do this together, in a non-judgemental, confidential, and safe environment.

Contact any one of our amazing counsellors today! We are here for you. Simply click here now, and make your pain move to peace today.

Here is an interesting article from the BBC about how venting doesn't actually help: https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p0hqff54/feeling-angry-venting-doesn-t-actually-help

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Matt Turner is the Owner & Clinic Director of Vida Relationships, Vancouver's premiere couples counselling and relationship therapy clinic. Matt supports individuals, couples, and families in conflict resolution, communication tools and trauma trained healing.