OUR SERVICES
EMDR-Integrated Couples Therapy
When Old Patterns Get in the Way of Connection
When past experiences and emotional wounds keep showing up in your relationship, it can be difficult to stay connected, even when you both want things to be different. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based trauma therapy approach that can help you process painful experiences, develop greater emotional stability, and respond differently to the things that trigger you.
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By integrating EMDR with attachment-focused couples therapy, I help partners understand their reactions, feel more grounded during difficult moments, and develop new ways of relating that support emotional safety, trust, and connection.
RELATIONAL EMDR-INTEGRATED COUPLES THERAPY
Understanding Your Reactions, Healing Old Wounds, and Finding Your Way Back to Each Other
It can be painful and confusing when you and your partner keep getting caught in the same difficult patterns. You might find yourself becoming overwhelmed, shutting down, feeling rejected, or reacting in ways that don't quite make sense to you.
Sometimes, even when you know your partner isn't trying to hurt you, something happens between you that brings up a much bigger emotional response than you expected. You may already recognize that some of these reactions are connected to earlier experiences in your life. Perhaps you've experienced childhood emotional neglect, rejection, criticism, or painful relationships where you didn't feel emotionally safe.
When something similar happens in your relationship now, your nervous system can respond as though those earlier experiences are happening all over again. It can become difficult to stay present, hear one another, or find your way back to connection, even when that's what you both really want.
Relational EMDR-Integrated Couples Therapy brings together attachment-focused couples therapy and targeted EMDR processing to help each partner become less reactive, more emotionally available, and better able to stay connected when difficult feelings arise.
RELATIONAL EMDR-INTEGRATED COUPLES THERAPY
How Can EMDR Help Your Relationship?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's an evidence-based trauma therapy that helps people process distressing experiences that may continue to affect how they feel, think, and respond in the present.
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Sometimes we understand why we react the way we do, but that understanding doesn't necessarily change what happens in the moment. You might know that your partner isn't rejecting you, for example, but still feel an overwhelming sense of hurt or abandonment when they pull away. Or you might recognize that your partner is trying to talk something through, but find yourself shutting down, becoming defensive, or feeling as though you're being criticized.
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EMDR offers another way of working with these experiences, beyond talking about them. It's an experiential, body-oriented approach that pays attention to your emotions, physical sensations, and the ways earlier experiences may still be influencing your nervous system today.
How Does EMDR Work?
One of the main features of EMDR is something called bilateral stimulation (BLS). This involves gentle, alternating stimulation from one side of the body to the other, using eye movements, tapping, or sounds.
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During our online sessions, I use a specialized EMDR program that allows us to do this together. You might follow a small moving image across your screen, listen to alternating sounds through headphones, or use gentle tapping. We'll choose the method that feels most comfortable and appropriate for you.
The process itself is quite simple. The BLS is used as part of helping your brain work through distressing experiences, while I guide you and help you stay connected to what's happening in the present.
BLS can also be used as part of developing and strengthening positive resources, such as grounding, emotional stability, and an internal sense of safety. I can teach you simple techniques that you may also find helpful outside our sessions.
RELATIONAL EMDR-INTEGRATED COUPLES THERAPY
How We Work Together
We begin by meeting together to understand what's happening in your relationship. We'll explore the patterns you find yourselves getting caught in, what each of you experiences emotionally and physically during difficult interactions, and how earlier relational experiences may be contributing to those reactions.
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From there, we create a treatment plan that brings together couples sessions and individual EMDR sessions, where appropriate. In the individual sessions, we can explore and process earlier memories that continue to influence how you experience yourself and your partner today. The focus isn't necessarily on revisiting your entire history, but on identifying the experiences that seem most connected to the difficulties you're facing in your relationship now.
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My approach draws on attachment-focused EMDR, with an emphasis on emotional safety, resourcing, and helping your nervous system develop a greater capacity to stay grounded and present. In our couples sessions, we'll continue working with the relationship itself, helping you understand one another more deeply, respond differently during difficult moments, and build new experiences of safety, support & emotional connection.
Healing Relational Wounds
Emotional Safety
Nervous System Regulation
Compassionate Guidance
RELATIONAL EMDR-INTEGRATED COUPLES THERAPY
A Thoughtful, Individualized Approach
Every couple comes with their own history, challenges, and hopes for their relationship, so I don't follow a one-size-fits-all treatment plan. We begin by meeting together, taking time to understand what's happening between you, what each of you is struggling with, and what you'd like to be different.
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From there, we'll work together to develop a thoughtful, individualized plan. This might involve beginning with some couples sessions to better understand your patterns and build resources together, or we might decide that some individual EMDR sessions would be helpful in working with the earlier experiences that are getting activated in your relationship.
Often, the process involves a combination of individual and joint sessions, moving between the two as we begin to notice what's changing and where more support is needed.
I'll explain the different options along the way, and we'll make decisions together about what feels most helpful and appropriate for both of you. Nothing is set in stone. We'll keep checking in, adjusting our approach, and making sure the work continues to reflect what you each need.
RELATIONAL EMDR-INTEGRATED COUPLES THERAPY
Finding New Ways to Respond to Each Other
The aim isn't simply to help you argue less. It's to help you understand why certain moments between you can feel so upsetting, and to reduce the intensity of those reactions so they don't keep taking over.
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In our work together, EMDR isn't only about processing trauma from the past. We can also use EMDR-based approaches to help you feel more settled in your nervous system, strengthen your capacity to manage difficult emotions, and develop a greater sense of stability when things become stressful between you.
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It's about being able to hear something difficult from your partner without immediately feeling attacked, to express what you need without becoming overwhelmed, or to stay present in a conversation rather than shutting down or pulling away.
Over time, my hope is that you'll find yourselves less caught up in those familiar reactions, with more room to understand what each of you is feeling, talk about the things that matter, and find your way through difficult moments together.
Breaking Reactive Patterns
Trauma Sensitive
Anti-Oppressive
Strengthening Connection
COUPLES & MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
Ready to Get Started? Let's Talk About What's Possible for Your Relationship.
I'm Carly Goodfellow, and I offer EMDR-Integrated Couples Therapy at Vida Relationships. I bring nearly 20 years of experience working with trauma, complex relational injuries, and helping couples navigate difficult relationship patterns, understand one another more deeply, and find a way forward.
The first step is to book a EMDR-Integrated Couples Therapy Session.
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During this initial session, we'll take time to understand what's bringing you in, the challenges you've been experiencing, and what each of you hopes to get out of therapy. We'll explore how EMDR might support your relationship goals and begin thinking together about what approach would be most helpful.
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From there, we'll develop an individualized treatment plan that may include a combination of individual EMDR sessions and joint couples sessions. There's no set formula. We'll make these decisions collaboratively, taking into account your individual needs, your relationship, and what feels most appropriate for both of you.
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To book your first session, follow the booking link to the Vida Relationships online booking page. Under Carly Goodfellow, select EMDR-Integrated Couples Therapy Session.
If you have questions or would like to talk a little more about how EMDR might fit into your relationship therapy, you're also very welcome to book an online complimentary Relationship Therapy Meet & Greet with me. We can talk through the approach, what you're hoping for, and whether it feels like a good fit for you both.
